Moving to a new blog.

HELLO TO THE MELLOW.
JUST WANT INFORM THAT THIS BLOG WILL BE MOVE TO....
*DRUM ROLL*

www.douglassjy.blogspot.com

YAY!!!
THIS BLOG WILL BE INACTIVE.
BUT I WILL NOT DELETE,
AND KEEP IT AS A REMINISCENCE OF MY LIFE.

Laughs.
Sorry for the caps.

Love,

Douglas, SJY.

"Him, an Angel" first chapter released!

As I have promised,

Once i got my internet I will be releasing my first chapter of "Him, an Angel".

Therefore, I have uploaded it!

One warning, bear with my grammar as this is my first attempt to write a so-called novel. *smile*

Anyway, enjoy!

Lots of Love,

Douglas Yuan.

I'm back with words!

It has been a very long time since the last update on my blog.

Laziness has became the main factor on stopping me from updating my blog.

But this time, I am coming back with a bunch of surprise! 

While I'm spending my holidays, I had started making a new story, or a so-called novel.

It is based on a true story. 

It's about how a two friend Daniel(Dan) and Nigel spend their life together in middle school. When Nigel first know Dan in the elementary and they meet again after 2 years passed from elementary. Nigel is just like an angel in Daniel's life. As their friendship getting bond and closer, sometimes there will be jealousy between them and sometimes the atmosphere change to love in friendship. 

Great ain't it? I hope it is. Well, it's not a gay story, just some sort of Bromance. Don't know what is bromance? Bromance means when two guys being so close, look like a couple but they're not. The things they did together somehow looks gay for others, but they do not feel and take it as a gay act. Well, this only happens when you have a very close friend for yourself. It would be sad if you do not have one.

Anyway, get back to the main point.

I've given a title for this story,

"Him, an Angel"

Here a cover picture for the story

I have done the first chapter for this story. I will be uploading it once I got my internet back.

Till next time.

Lots of Love,
Douglas Yuan.

Is this Jealousy?

A voice, whispered to my ear,

Something good requested,

sounding good for itself, but it refused to accept.

Trying to care it as a joke,

unfortunate,

It's not that simple.

The voice,

It hurts a feeble heart of a feeble man,

feel like a thousand needles cramping into it,

Barely able to breathe,

Somehow it feels different,

Is it care?

or,

Is it jealousy?

Thrust of Unsatisfactory

This story was a dream of mine when I’m having my nap at Noon. It’s quite unbelievable.

It was early in the morning, Sun shining straight to my face, waking me up around 7 O'clock in the morning. It was Sunday, the day where I usually will wake up at 6 to get ready to go to Work. Hell yeah I know, Sunday, and I still have to work. I work as a journal writer in one of the famous News Company in Malaysia. I need to go to work by 7 Quarter pass three in order for me to reach to my work by 7 and a half in the Morning.  As I’m awake, I straight go in to my cosy bathroom, turning on the water tap and adjust the temperature water to 45% warm, a perfect morning shower. Then, I took my usual cloth, wear it and not to forget to bring my baby along, Canon 60D camera.  It’s perfectly 7 Quarter pass three, I take my motorcycle out from the garage, drive to my work place. 

7 and a half, I reached my work place, looking on my table, wondering what news today I am going to write about. It was a picture of a guy, and a brief note on what happened towards him. Looking at the picture, I was shocked, heart stops beating for a moment, barely able to breath and get to calm myself down after a few second later. To confirm whether he is the person I know, I took the note and read it, written the name “Lee Lennon”. As I saw the name, it is confirmed. It mentioned that he got crazy and killed a guy who cheated on him, and he managed to run away from the catch of the police. I have no choice and so, I have to write about it. Few hours, spending my time on writing the news, finding information all around the net and I finally finished it after 5 hours. Sent it up to the publishing office, I go back home after that. While on my way back home, driving my baby Mitsubishi motorcycle, the wonders on my mind never stop. What happen to him? I’m sure there is something.

Next morning, I woke up late, even though the sunlight shrine on my eye. Monday is my off day, where people usually hate Monday. Walked towards my door, took the newspaper in my mailbox, my article was on the main page of the newspaper. His face was posted large (I didn’t ask for that). Then, I went in to my kitchen, cook breakfast for my own. After finish eating my breakfast, I went up to my room, took out and wear up my purple cotton t-shirt, a pair of skinny jean and my favourite black sweater. Today, I have a date with a girl I like, Miss Rika. She works as a Lecturer in a Science technologies University. Without wasting my time, I took my key and drive my motorcycle to the place we promised to meet.

As I have reached there, she was standing in front of a flower shop, picking up one stalk of Lavender from a basket blue in color. Silently, I parked my motorcycle far from her, and paid the Lavender for her. Going towards her, I said “Hold it, don’t throw it away”. She smiled and we walked to a cinema nearby.  After finished the movie, we went to eat and having fun all day long. As day getting dark, sun lowered down and moon gets up, we separated as we brought our own vehicle. Waving goodbye and I walked to the place where my motorcycle was parked. It’s was silent as it was 3 O’clock in the midnight.

Quite creepy, when suddenly an old car, drove in a high speed, crashed my motor as I get to escape. I was traumatized by what I saw as my motorcycle flew to the road across. And in sudden, the car reversed, heading towards me, and I ran but unfortunately, I am slow and got hit therefore I dropped on the ground, scratched my elbow on the crude road. The car stopped and a guy came own, can’t see his face clearly as the mist covered him from far. Heard my watch ticking, he walks step by step and getting closer.  As I saw his spectacles, and it was Lennon! Traumatized for another time and I am unable to starts a word. He walked even closer, pulled my cloth collar, saying “Why, why wrote about me!!!” I got scared and muted for a moment, when I am able to ask him a question after then, “What happen to you?”

He got mad when I asked, Then he hold my neck with his strong hand, making me unable to take a deep breath. Sweat flowing out from my body, scared of what will happen. I took out my phone, trying to call for help from 999. Unfortunately, he saw it, shouted on my face, “YOU DARE TO CALL THE POLICE?”, and he got Wrath, taking out his pocket knife and stabbed me with it to my bottom right abdomens, three times. Blood flowing, as he looking at me, got scared and ran away. I was tumbled to the floor, holding the pain of the three thrust. Panting for help, but no one was there.

***The End***

The story ends because I was awake.

Cast,
Me, Myself.
Lennon, The Killer.
Rika, Someone I know.

Lots of Love,

Douglas Yuan.

A Confession

This story is based on a true story of a Singapore guy.
This is a confession letter written by Mr.H


It is 5 years to the day I lost him, yet his memory is still etched as deeply and fresh in my mind. There are times I let my guard down when I see something funny, sad or simply memorable and I turn to share it with him, only to remember again that he’s not there. We met when we were in camp. I had one of those schoolboy crushes the moment I laid eyes on him. He was the duty officer of the day and I was a platoon sergeant from another company. I concocted a lame excuse to drop by the Ops Room to find out his name, D. Through some illegal means I obtained his number and for a couple of days I deliberated calling him, keying it into my phone before chickening out and hitting cancel.

I went out for drinks at Tantric that weekend with a close friend to dish and ask for advice, when who should walk in but my crush himself! He glanced over, gave me one of those cheeky knowing grins and walked away. I spent the night longing to talk to him and secretly hating every cute slut who hit on him. We met the following week at the camp canteen. He ordered his food and walked over with an air like we knew each other for years, sat down and said “I was waiting for you to come and talk to me that night. Shy ah?” I wanted to smack him so badly for his cocky arrogance and yet, it was SO appealing. I mumbled some reply and pretty soon we were hitting it off. Before it was time to go, he casually reached out for my phone and started keying in his number only to find out that I already had it. Oh the embarrassment…

I won’t go into the clichés of describing our relationship. When you are in love, the world disappears and everything feels magical to you. Being an officer who had his own bunk, I often snuck out of mine when my mates were asleep to look for him. Our book outs were spent in each other’s company and when I brought him home to meet my family, my mother doted on him like another son. But he always kept a part to himself and it wasn’t long before I figured it out; he wasn’t out to his family, particularly his mother who was a “church elder”. Coming from an accepting family myself, I didn’t want to push him on this issue. We chose to ignore it and lived happily in our own world.

Then he had a serious accident. His getting a bike license was something I never agreed with but his elder brother rode one and it was something he had his heart placed on since young. I only found out when his friend from his company (who knew we were dating) called me. I made up a bullshit excuse to get a nights off pass and rushed down to the hospital. His parents were already there and they thought I was a camp representative, an assumption I did not bother to correct. I nearly cried on the spot seeing him lying there injured, his arm and leg in a cast and bruises all over. He was still under the effects of the sedative when he came to and saw me, smiled and said “I’m sorry baby I promise to be more careful next time. I was so scared I would never see you again.” I looked up to see his parents’ shock. I told him to rest up, bade a hasty farewell and left.

He called me the next day from the hospital, saying that he could be discharged soon. I applied for off again and when I reached; no one else was there. I asked if he had called his parents and he shrugged. I knew what that shrug meant; “I don’t want to talk about it.” He held my hand tightly during the taxi ride to his place and when we reached, I felt his body tense. His parents had the locks changed. I stood there hapless and not knowing what to say as he argued over the phone with his dad. It was clear what was happening; they did not accept him coming out and unless he promised to never see me again, change and go for church counseling, they did not want him back in the house. It was the first time I had ever seen him cry and it broke my heart. He was shouting “I am still your son, which is more important to you??”. He was so frustrated at not getting through to his parents that he finally hurled his phone out into the air, over the parapet.

I brought him home to my place and whispered hurriedly what had happened to my mom. Since I had to be back in camp while he was on a month’s MC, she took charge of his recuperation without hesitation. His brother dropped off some clothes for him with a menacing warning, “You better tell my brother to stop being a gay or else he can change the address on his IC to ‘this place’.” I had never met such homophobic hostility before and I kept the words of his brother from him. He recovered but his demeanour changed. Having to readjust to a life in a new home, no matter how welcoming, affected him greatly. He hardly laughed and would some dark mood swings. I held him on many nights as he cried over his family’s rejection. He bought his mother a gift for her birthday, hoping she would forgive and accept him but she said that unless he changed and prayed for forgiveness, she only had one son. His father rejected his calls and his brother told him he was ashamed of having a “chao ah qua” for a brother.

Then he went missing one Saturday. He got to book out earlier than I did and we would always meet up at my place; that day I reached home with lunch for the both of us only to find that he wasn’t there. I waited all day and night. My texts went unanswered and his phone was switched off. I went to bed with a sense of dread. His camp-mate, the same friend who knew about us, woke me up with a string of frantic missed calls. His family had called the camp to report that something bad, real bad had happened to him. I rushed down to his place and my worst fears realized when I saw the wake in the void deck. I didn’t want to go in and face the truth. He had left me, left all of us for good. His parents refused to allow me entry to bid him farewell but his brother relented when they were not around. It was all so surreal seeing him lay there in the coffin. I kept hoping that it was a bad joke.

Afterwards, his brother told me that every Saturday morning D would come round to the house, pleading with their parents to let him in and forgive him. I did not know this and I cried that he had kept this from me. His brother was beginning to change his mind and accept his baby brother, even tried talking to his parents to let D move back in. That Saturday morning, following yet another futile begging session, he climbed onto the parapet in front of their flat and jumped 12 stories. My life has this huge void now. They say that time heals all wounds but the pain is still as fresh as it was yesterday. D, I graduated as I promised you I would and I recently started working. This should be a time of promise and possibilities but all I can think of is the memories we will never get to make together.

I wish you had spoken to me more or at least let me book out with you all those Saturdays. You promised that we would see the world together and someday we would have our own place. I am so sorry that you left this world thinking that your parents no longer loved you. I wish I had worked harder to make up for that, that my love was enough to make you forget them. I can never replace you and wherever you are now, I hope you will wait for me. Till we meet again.

Love,

H

One thing, All Ruin.

Myself,

Happy with what I has done,

Done things early, joyfully walks to the class,

with spirit of winning and victory,

went in front,

wanted to let go,

unfortunately,

Because of a drop of ink,

White silk have to be throw away.

Nothing is much fucked up,

than being rejected.

stress and hatred coming back in my life,

Money, time and mind,

it have to be wasted once again,

for a thing I spent long time ago,

Just to get the best.

Prayers,

I need it by my side.

God, 

Guidance and path way.

-Dougy Yuan-

Lots Of Love.

Knifes, but words.

Humans,

They live in this world and having their own life. 

Male and female, both are the same, but only one thing that makes them different.

Their attitude, personal attitudes. 

some people are good, but some are just awfully bad.

being a bad person doesn't mean that they are bad physically,

but can be mentally and from conversation.

Words,

sometime, people get discourage because of words.

Ugly, Bitch, Stupid, Idiot,

sounds normal to the "Perfect one" Ain't it? 

It might be light for you, but not for other people.

It might be just a piece of shit and shouldn't be worry about.

For some people,

A single word "Useless" is very offensive.

Maybe a sorry would be enough for that,

but, u just cleaned the wound,

how about the scars? Scratches and Holes.

Words, an invisible knife,

that makes people die.

-Dougy Yuan-